So I'm sittin here in my underwear and I'm freezing because my hair is kind of wet from my shower, and I'm too lazy to a. turn off the a/c and b. get clothes on. I'm waiting for the stupid UPS guy... (no i'm not going to answer the door in my underwear.)I want my shoes. Devan fell asleep on the couch, watching Incredibles for the 6th time.
I'm hungry.. I guess I'll go make dinner. I never cook anymore so I mean... now's the chance, right? Our refrigerator is SO empty since Jon cleaned it out. It sucks because now i have to go to the grocery store and I don't feel like it. I don't feel like doing anything but going backkk to sleep.
I haven't slept a wink
I'm so tired
my mind is on the blink
guys I am so tired and my mind is soo fuzzy. It's out of control. I've been trying really hard to wake up... I had this dream that I redecorated a room... and it looked really awesome and Todd Oldham was there and he was like 'oh my gosh this looks horrible." and this hurt my feelings. Then I had another dream about zombies taking over some town near newark, and to escape I held on to the string of a helium filled balloon all the way to newark, and went into this pimp's house and he was like 'sup' and then I woke up cuz it got too weird.
hm. also UPS man in his little brown shorts needs to hurry up and bring me my new shoes (and Devan's too.)
help me wake up. HElppp. I have no caffeine in my house so don't suggest that.
Devan's watched the Incredibles 5 times now. She loves it. She requested a "super peanut butter and jelly sandwich" for lunch. Jon said last night she watched it then she came upstairs and punched him in the stomach, and he asked her why and she was like "cuz I'm super"
dudes my head hurts and I can't take narcotics because I have to go to work today and i'm not certain, but I think it's against company policy to be stoned at work. Personally, I'm all for it. I think it would make for some interesting ads.
I've typed just under 20 words on this keyboard and I'm already in love. I think that getting a new Mac (with a beautiful 20'' flat screen) would improve my quality of life by about a million percent. Seriously. You don't want to hear me complain anymore and I don't want to complain anymore. So let's go ahead and start a paypal fund for me, so that you can donate to the "Peggy gets a sweet new mac" fund. I'm just kidding.
Tonight I've been shopping photos of David Beckham and I've come to realize, like most of the world has already, that he's a totally hot dude. I'd post a photo, but you all know what he looks like.
Ok. a serious moment: *sigh* I'm ashamed of myself. I said some really stupid mean things to someone (about another person) a couple weeks ago. I don't know how good you all are at holding grudges, but I'm simply incapable of it. I'm mad for a few minutes, I say some ugly things about other people to make myself feel better, and then the anger dissolves and I feel like a heel for saying anything in the first place. So without naming names, (and by that I mean, Jon if you ask me what I'm talking about here, I'm not going to answer you : ) so don't ask.) I just want to say that I apologize for what I said. I didn't mean it and I thought you should know (if you even read this thing anymore.)
Lastly. I'm working on a project. Nothing paid, nothing commissioned, nothing anyone else will probably ever see, unless I post images on my site. It's basically snippets of songs, lyrics from all kinds of different genres, all different musicians, different moods, feelings... stuff that's really defined me and helped me through my life along with illustrations, and then I'll be handbinding a book to put it all in. I'm pretty psyched about it, and I find myself listening so intently to song lyrics lately, to see if anything fits with the theme of the project. If you've got any really powerful lyrics (really a line or 2 is all I'm interested in) you think I might be into - leave a comment.
I have to work today. It's cool though - I get paid extra. It's also cool because one of the girls in my department got a new mac. It's so sweet... I need a new one too now.
Last night I got home from work and watched Zoolander for about the millionth time. (That Hansel's so hot right now.) I wanted to go to fleet week or whatever today. I thought that would be fun, but Jon had some dumb work to do.
I shouldn't complain, he cleaned the kitchen and emptied out old stuff from the refrigerator yesterday while I was working so I am really happy about that.
As you can probably tell, I have nothing to talk about today. Sorry.
I am working on a tiny little page, with Dev's birthday pictures on it. here's what I've got so far.
My house is a mess. Yea I have my priorities straight. I don't feel like going to the movies tonight, so Jon's getting dinner from Giovanni's. He should be here soon with my Chicken Marsala (yummm).
I watched Birth last night. You know, the Nicole Kidman movie where she thinks this 10 year old boy is the reincarnation of her husband. It was an ok movie, aside from you know, the creepy factor. But what I hated about it was the music. The music worked way too hard. I also was not a fan of Ms. Kidman in short hair. The little boy is adorable though. His face reminds me of my brother Evan.
poo. I hate weekends lately. There's nothing to do.. well.. there's plenty to do, I just don't feel like going and doing it. I'm about to make myself something delicious to eat, and then I might do some work around the house or take some more narcotics and collapse in bed until I hear from Jonathan about our date (tentatively rescheduled for this evening). I was totally right about last night. I should call myself psychic and charge people 25 dollars an hour to tell them their futures.
It would be so awesome if this pain in my head would stop. it would also be awesome if I could somehow get my house clean before this weekend is over. It would be even more awesome to go out tonite and do something fun.
yay for narcotic analgesics!! My dr rules. I'm gonna get totally wasted tonite! no just kidding. I'm just so happy to finally get some relief from these headaches. I can't take it yet because I have to drive over to pick Devan up in a few minutes.
If Jon doesn't work tonight we might see that Cinderella Russell Crow movie and go out to dinner. woo! A date. but he'll probably work and i'll probably fall asleep watching Daily Show Reruns.
I have to get more active. I have no energy at all and it sucks bad.
I'm gonna start um... doing something and getting in shape. No more ice cream and soda for this girl.
well. my mood just got instantly shitty! Well I'm gonna go get Devan and take some drugs. Talk to me on IM i am sure it will be entertaining!
It's amazing what perfume can do for my mood. I feel so disgusting til I put it on. Now I feel all flowery and pretty and feminine.
i have to go to the pharmacy and pick up some medication now. I just scheduled about 80 doctors appointments (for the problem with my head). I know I don't have any tumors since I had a cat scan in july. I wonder what is making my head hurt so much. It's not a headache, like, that would be brought on by loud noises, and loud noises don't bother it and headache medicine doesn't stop it... It's an actual pain like someone with a really big crazy walrus hand is squeezing my head. It's making me crazy.
I hope work doesn't suck tonight like it did last night
I mean physically--not mentally. It hurts so bad...every day this week.
I just got home from work 20 minutes ago. I don't really understand how such a deadline oriented job can be so consistently LATE.... I had nothing but problems tonight. Post script error after post script error. It's a good thing I don't own or have access to a firearm, because so many people would have gotten their heads blown off tonight if I did.
I'm tired and I'm really frustrated. Nothing's really going the way I want it to right now. I have lots of good ideas right now and absolutely NO time to work on them. And when I do have time -- i really should be doing other things, like cleaning my disgusting house. Jon mentioned hiring a maid or something, to come in a couple times a week but I think I have too much pride for that sort of thing. I won't clean it, but I'll damned if someone else will. Also we have lost Devan's blanket. Only a few of you know what a tragedy this really is. It's probably in a pile of toys somewhere. I have to find it.
After we finally got the paper printed tonight, this poor little old man wandered up to the door and rang the buzzer. He said to Jaime, "I don't know where I am supposed to be, and I have this key." He had apparently wandered away from a retirement community a few blocks away. The police came and took him home. I felt so bad.
anyway, Do any of you want to come over and help me clean my house? I'll give you cupcakes and Yoohoo...
yum. I don't have anything to say except that I did a bad bad thing to my mac today and it isn't working right. bye bye photoshop. bye bye illustrator. and indesign, i'll never forget you...
I feel pretty grotesque right now. I had a picture to show you guys and everything but I feel too sick to even bother. I went to the grocery store after work and I thought I was going to be sick there, so I was in a hurry, but then Neil Young's "Heart of Gold" came on and I was torn between throwing up in public and grooving.... I ended up being ok, thank goodness, because I actually chose to stay and listen to the song and also to get some Jam I found in the 'international' foods aisle. I was a little wary of it, since it comes from Poland and I've got a boycott against all things Polish but then I thought, one dickface can't ruin an entire country and its food for me. So I bought it, and a chocolate bar that was either from Poland or Germany... I didn't bother reading the label. There's some pretty interesting food in the international food aisle. I didn't stay there long though because there was no ice cream, and that's really all I care about in this world.
It's officially Devan's birthday and she is 4. I'm so depressed (not really, jeez.) Ok so at around this time 4 years ago I was in agony and no one would accept that I was actually in labor. The jerks. Devan was born at 12:19 PM so I would have had like 9 more hours of hell to deal with.
I have to get up in like 4 hours and make pink cupcakes for my little darling. She requires pink cupcakes and a butterfly net for her birthday, among other things... But those are the most crucial. I have mad shopping to do. I'm hoping to locate a butterfly net and some groovy wrapping paper over at target tomorrow. And I have to stop by the yarn store in Denville because they weren't open on Sunday (because they are liars and false advertisers..just kidding again -but not really... their business card says they're open sundays, but they're not. WTF.) oh also the blue sweater.... only got half done. I'll finish it WHENEVER... damnit.
Ok Jon looks totally adorable and cuddly so I'm gonna go squish up next to him.
Hm. I can't remember my email password. This is really weird. So if you need to email me or tell me something, either call me or send email here: peggydrawspictures (at) gmail dot com. I can't imagine what the password would be and it's driving me crazy.
Well I'm off. I've got yarn shopping to do before work today. Bye dudes.
Jon gave me the best massage last night. My back was killing me from sitting here doing computer work. They don't call him Jonnyhands(ome) for nothin.
Nobody does it better,
makes me feel sad for the rest
nobody does it half as good as you
baby you're the best
I bought all that yarn the other day, and now I see a sweater I want to make for myself, so I need to go back and buy 7 more balls of it. This is the sweater, from Interweave Knits Winter 04.
I also need some All Seasons Cotton for that Knitty Surprise for my little sister. It's pretty awesome that everything is 30% off at the Knitting Basket. (they're closing, ya see... and moving to just their online store.)
**EDIT** Sorry Nina, I had to delete the comments so the proverbial cat won't be let out of the bag.
I bought these design magazines, see. And I got all these wonderful ideas, see. And I work too much to even begin to work on them.
I had plans to come home and get to work... but guess what I'm gonna do. C'mon, take a guess! I'm going to go to sleep. Jon's in there all cute and cuddly. Of course I've got tomorrow to work on artwork since I don't have to go to work. I'm looking foreward to Memorial Day. I get paid for 2 days of work which is cool. Especially since I don't really "miss" the holiday. After all, I don't get to work til 5:30, and festivities are usually wrapping up by then.
oh crud-- Dev's birthday is only a few days away. I have to get busy on her sweater. I cannot believe it's Thursday. No work tomorrow. *yawn* Ok.. I'm out of here. Maybe I'll update with pictures later.
Seriously dudes, my moods defy logic. I am in such a good mood right now. I've given it some thought and it doesn't make any sense. I should be pissed off. But I'm so happy.
Also, i need to go to a punk rock show. I think that's what's missing from my life. Loud music and ringing ears.
The knitty surprises are up. I'm going to make THIS little ditty for my teeny tiny sister Abby.
Today was pretty awesome. I got the new CMYK, Print, and HOW magazines. Then I went to the mall and got some clothes that I don't really like now, and my perfume. Finally. It's so weird too. That perfume is magical I think. Everyone compliments it. Those folks at Givenchy know their stuff.
I've been singing Use Me by Bill Withers all night. That always adds to a good night, right? I think there is a rule, possibly a constitutional amendment that if you don't like Bill Withers you're stupid. I think I'm right about this. Don't challenge me.
Work was cool. I did some ads and talked about Halloween with Jessie. We decided that the best costume ever, would be to make a Lawn Gnome costume for Devan. I think this would be the most hilarious costume EVERRR! So I'm gonna try to talk Devan into it. Can you imagine it? I'm getting carpul tunnel or something so my wrist hurts so I'm gonna shut up now.
"Hi Ya'll!"(that was my britney spears impression)
Sometimes I want to say really raunchy stuff... for no reason, just that I find it funny... I had this whole paragraph typed out and then I was like 'hold the phone, peggy! little Cady reads this thing! that's not appropriate for her young eyes." and then I deleted it. So yea. Cady has also requested that I not 'cuss' on here... yea I'm gonna have to say no to that though. Filth and raunchiness I will save for my myspace blog (don't you dare go there cady, I'll tell mom) to preserve your innocence for as long as humanly possible.
So last week I was feeling positively 'jiggy' and I bought the BeeGee's greatest hits double cd collection. I tried to get Jessie to listen to it with me tonight but NOOO... she said she'd listen later if she was feeling saucy but the sauciness never came and we ended up talking about college and dudes and knitting and design and poop. You know, the usual.
I listened to some angry music on my way home and right now I will take shit from no one (sorry about the swearing.) But it also made me feel awesome x100 so I'm pretty happy. Then I had this thought about being a little kid.
When I was really little ... I don't remember how old. I'll have to get the details tomorrow from my mom or dad. Me and my dad had these green coats, or maybe it was only me who had a green coat. Well we used to do a lot of walking around town, my dad and I. And we'd wear these coats and we called them our 'booger coats' (even at this young age, I was obsessed with bathroom humor.) So we'd walk and we'd sing this song about how we 'got a booger on our finger and can't get it off' and it's funny.
Isn't it weird how sometimes you'll just think about a memory from childhood that you haven't thought of for years and years? It makes me so happy to think of these silly, trivial things. I realized tonight that I am so blessed. Even with all of the negative shit that's gone down lately - there are still positives. (sorry about the swearing again)
Even if things don't work out with Jon and I, he is still awesome and I'm so glad that he's Devan's father and that I am lucky enough to know him.
Devan is truly the most amazing, best thing to ever happen to me. Nothing will ever compare. She saved my life in so many ways. Sometimes I get really afraid because I fear that she is just too wonderful - too good to be true. and that I'm dreaming all of this.
I have the best friends and family that anyone could want. (are you wondering if I'm drunk? I'm not, I'm just want to balance out some of the negativity that I've spread lately.) I love my job. The weather is awesome. My dog makes the best snoring sounds.
Even YOU (you know who you are, but maybe you're not reading this anymore since you feel...whatever it is you feel) Even you have touched my life in a good way. You helped me to realize that I am awesome. And that I have a lot to offer anyone. You may have been lying to me to get in my pants or whatever, but it doesn't matter. It helped me anyways. So thanks.
Ok this post is too dorky. I feel a very strong urge to delete it but I'll let it go for now.
*Edit 12:24pm dudes i'm not going anywhere, i was totally lying about that whole early start thing..
I love mail! I mean, packages.. I don't like bills. I got a package of hot pink yarn yesterday. so yarn + mail + pink = triple awesome.
I started Devan's blue sweater this morning at around 9:30. Now I'm sitting here in a towel, since I actually took a shower BEFORE 2pm.
I wanted to get an early start today. I'm tired of wasting my days sitting around. Today I think I'm gonna do the stuff I didn't do this weekend. I want the new Print and CMYK, and I need to pick up 2 more balls of blue yarn. Devan wants some "Buddies" shampoo and conditioner because she hates having me brush her hair. I need to get some new perfume. I like Burberry, but it's a little "spicy" for me. I miss my Givenchy.
Guys I'm worried about being away from Dev for 1-2 weeks. The longest I've been away is 2 days, when Jon and I went to Canada last year. The funny thing is we'd lay in bed on our honeymoon talking about Devan and how funny and cute she was. Totally romantic! And then we'd call her and she'd start talking to us and we'd get all bummed out.
Suddenly I feel like going back to sleep. Maybe I should take vitamins. We have these Quincy people (home office) at work this week. Jaime says they're interested in my end of the job(so they're watching me and I can't misbehave or laugh or talk to Jessie or listen to music, which is basically what I do all night so this week sucks), and they didn't stay at work last night, so I'm anticipating having some company staring over my shoulders tonight. I hope they're not gonna be there though, because Jon is supposed to bring Devan in tonight for dinner. :) Jessie wants to meet her.
ok. since this isn't my journal and it doesn't belong to me and I don't pay $15 dollars a month to be able to say what I want to say in it, I guess I will make a few changes to the way that I talk on here. (haha)
Number 1. When posting sad song lyrics I will make some sort of notation, indicating who I am thinking of, or who I'm dedicating these song lyrics to. It seems that there has been a bit of confusion in this area.
Number 2. I will no longer whine and complain about being dumped. I will get over it and move on in the privacy of my own home, where no one can read about it.
Number 3. I can't remember any of the other things I got bitched at for tonight, but until I remember, number 3 will hold that spot.
Ok. Enough of that bullshit. Dudes, my mom wants to take my baby for 2 weeks after memorial day. How'm I gonna live without my little Doodle? How? HOW? ..and RIck wants me and Jon to come out for Flogging Molly and some Rib thing in Ohio. I think I'll keep my eyes wide open when I go out. It might be time to tuck my tail between my legs and scurry back home to mommy. it doesn't seem like such a bad idea these days.
I cannot believe Dev's birthday is next week. Oh, where does the time go? Devan has requested a blue sweater, handknit by yours truly, for her birthday this year. How cute is it that she wants me to make her something? It would be so much cuter if it were socks, considering that it's in 7 days, but I might be able to make this sweater for her:
I think I might be short 1 stupid ball of yarn, but that's no big deal. Even if the dyelot doesn't match, it will most likely be on the ribbing around the collar so you won't notice it.
Ok I think I kept to my rules. Please, let me know if any of the above is offensive and or whiney. thx.
Oh I hate getting in the shower. I always wait til the last minute to get cleaned up for work. Not today, people! Today I am going to take a shower at 2:30, come hell or high water. And then I might take a nap because I'm the laziest mofo I know.
I need to hire a minority of some sort (is that offensive??) to dry and brush my hair for me. Drying my hair is the biggest pain in the butt. What I really need is a robot who looks just like me, who can a. beat up people I am mad at and b. do stuff for me when I don't feel like it.
Tonight at work i will be in a good mood. I'm always happy at work. I will force Jessie to play pretend with me again, and we'll talk about how we're gonna open our own business in Montclair and how we're gonna move there and how it's going to be awesome.
I'm going to shave my head I think. I really don't want to dry my hair. So I'm gonna shave my head and I'm sure I'll look just as HOT as Natalie Portman does with her head shaved.
or I'll look gay.which is also cool since guys suck.
PS. HOLY SHIT!! Why can't I live in Cambodia? Click ME
I'm totally better than the situation I have found myself in.
I'm done worrying about guys and I'm not going to let myself be depressed about any dude - ever again. it's so stupid and pointless. It's too time consuming to worry about this stuff. I'm officially fed up. I'd rather be alone. Guys are all the same anyways. They come in different packages but they're all fucked up horny little boys who make promises with their fingers crossed, who'll leave you when things get too complicated, or stop being exciting. I would love to sit here and talk mad shit on the guys who have hurt me lately, but I am done wasting time on them.
Bitter? Me? naaahhhh! I'm usually pretty good about letting go of anger in a timely manner but the last few months have really screwed me up and made me suspicious of everyone's motives. I hate feeling this way, but it's really the only way to protect myself from being hurt.
I'm gonna stop typing now because I'm just whining and I must sound pathetic. I apologize. I'm pissed off today. In my mind, this is me today:
except I don't have a gun.
and I'm not michael douglas.
I wake up in the night
All alone and it's alright
The chemicals are wearing off
Since you've gone
The days go on, the lights go off and on
And nothing really matters when you're gone
If you think that you feel nothing at all
If you don't (If you don't)
Then you don't (No, you won't)
If you won't
Then you won't
And I will
Then I will
Yeah, and I will consider you gone
