The girl with kaleidoscope eyes

2.20.2005

I don't have much to update you on today, so I'll show some pictures. I've been working on my chocolate hourglass sweater (chocolate thunda). As I said before, I'm done with the front and back up to the yoke, and I'm working on the first sleeve (which I didn't finish, due to being really lazy today) So here's a shot of it, click it for a bigger picture (i have no idea why I can't resize it and keep it looking smooth):

Ohh, I've got something else to show you.

This is the yarn I have chosen for Clapotis! Isn't it lovely? It's Sealing Wax worsted merino from handpaintedyarn.com and it's so incredibly soft and the colors are vivid. I don't know if it's coming through in the photo, but it's light red, dark red, an orangy red, and maybe a bit of pink. It's so pretty and I love it. my fingers are itching to start Clapotis, but I'm not going to start anything until I finish my sockapalooza socks, my piggie, and chocolate thunda.

posted @ 3:06 AM

2.19.2005

I'm just about to go to bed, but I thought I'd let you guys know how my first day at my new job was. I was pretty nervous driving there, and I had to stop at an ATM to get some cash for a bottle of water and some dinner. Well. *sigh* I kept forgetting my pin and the stupid atm confiscated my debit card. I thought that would set the tone for the night, but it didn't!

I loved it!! It was fun! I enjoyed going around and meeting everyone, shaking hands, figuring out names, etc. For awhile I was kind of bored because the person who was going to train me wasn't in yet, so I had to kinda stand over this girl's shoulder and watch her do the classifieds. It was kind of interesting watching, but after we'd gone downstairs and inspected the negatives with a fine toothed comb about 40 times, I was like 'damn, ok I get it'

When my boss got there, I started doing more hands on stuff. I got my passwords, started working on creating ads, and then I learned how to insert the ads and send the pages to print.

I got to meet the press guys and watch the paper print, which was pretty cool. There seems to be a lot of repetition with this job, printing, making pdf's, checking negatives, printing the paper, checking for errors, making ads, etc.

I was kinda uncomfortable in what I wore. I wasn't sure about the dresscode so I decided to play it safe and dress conservatively. Sunday night I won't make that mistake. I'll wear sneakers and jeans, definitely. And I'll BRING a big bottle of water with me.

I'm so glad I got this job. The situation with Jon, even though we're doing counseling right now, doesn't seem to be improving at all. In fact I just got really sad because I tried to talk to him, and it's like he can't even say anything nice to me... It's like there's no affection there at all and it's so weird. I mean he's nice to me, but like a casual nice, not like a husband nice.

Devan's only complaint about last night with Daddy (instead of Mommy) was that Daddy only read 2 books and she wanted 14 books or 11 books (that's what she said..) She was so happy to see me this morning, and kept saying how she was glad I was back from my job. She doesn't understand that I have to go back on Sunday yet, so I'm hoping there won't be a problem.

I started sleeve 1 of the hourglass sweater tonight. I've just finished all the decreases and it's about 7" long. I hope to finish sleeve 1 and start sleeve 2 tomorrow. I will most likely save the hourglass sweater for next weekend, and work on the my think pink project. I'm working on the piggy, here and there. Usually in the early afternoon while Devan is napping. It won't take long to finish, but I keep putting it down. And oh yea, I have to decide on the sock along socks. I still have no idea which ones I want to do and that deadline is approaching!

Sorry about no pics again... my rechargable batteries are somewhere..i just don't know where.

posted @ 2:17 AM

2.17.2005

Here's a picture of Ashlee Simpson for my friend Katie:

posted @ 12:33 AM

2.15.2005

So I got the job! Yay! I'm definitely happy that I was hired, but I'm having some mixed feelings about going back to work. Some of you may know, I haven't worked since I found out I was preggers in 2000. Not because I didn't want to, but because it's kind of hard to find a job when you are only planning on working for a few months, and then staying at home with your baby.

I'm also mixed on it, because I worry about my little Doodle, and I want to be there for her when she needs me, but I also want to have options for myself, and not feel so desperate about this situation with my husband. It's a scary thing to rely on someone for everything.

Right now I feel like I am starting a new chapter in my life - getting a sense of direction, reinventing myself, and hopefully changing my life for the better. I feel like just in the last two weeks I've undergone a huge transformation. You have no idea - The concept of Jon and I seperating is something I have always toyed around with (not smart.) But I never EVER expected him to walk out like he did, and I was SO surprised that I didn't just fall down and die when he did. What was even more surprising was that I was actually feeling some relief, and some happiness with him not being around. That's not to say that I don't ever miss him, or that I don't cry and feel sad about our current situation. I cried this afternoon about it. It's definitely not easy. The worst part is not having a clue what I want. I mean, I love him. That's a fact. I love my memories of Jon and I. I love that we have a daughter together. I love the smell of his after shave. So why don't I want him to come back and stay here? Why do we argue everytime we're alone together? Why am I so confused?!

So back to the job - I start on Thursday, and have Friday and Saturday off. I start again Sunday at 5. The hours are kinda weird, but I've been keeping myself up late this week, in case they hired me. I definitely feel good about myself right now.

posted @ 2:25 PM

2.14.2005

I bought myself a Valentine's Day present and it arrived today:

*deep breath* ahh...

Today Dev and I are going to make cards. I had this wonderful idea about a book I was going to make, but I don't think it's appropriate right now, with what is going on between my husband and I. It would have been the best, most adorable, and bittersweet present ever... But I think I'll wait and see how things turn out.

posted @ 2:46 PM

I'm trying to make myself stay up late, so that I can get used to nightshift hours, if I get this job. I feel pretty good about it still. Jon came over for awhile today. It's so awkward.

posted @ 12:29 AM

2.13.2005

Ugh! Another imageless post! The nerve of me!

As you may or may not have noticed, I joined the "Think Pink" knit along. If my printer would stop being such a bastard, I could print out one of the 2 pink projects I plan on knitting. The first is a pair of Breast Cancer Awareness socks and the other is a Piggie from Knitted Toys by Fiona McTague. I have an obsession with pigs. I don't know if I've mentioned that here before...

In other knitalong news, I joined the Townsend Socks Knit Along, and plan on making the Cascading Leaves socks out of Regia Silk. I think. I've also started a new striped sock for my sockapalooza pal. This one is even brighter than the last, with big thick stripes. I was really hoping use complex stitch patterns for this swap, but I'm not sure that the person I'm knitting for is interested in that. So for now, unless I change my mind again, It looks like I'll be using PG-R's dream sock pattern. Why mess with a good thing?

As far as the rest of my life goes, my husband is still gone. 2 weeks now. There are days where I am upbeat and positive, and there are days where I am convinced it's all over. There are also days where I am so frustrated with this stuff, that I end up yelling at him and crying and telling him to leave me alone, when all I want is for him to come back home. (For the record, my husband has been, for the most part (you know, aside from not fixing the toilet or shelves and other annoying things like that) amazing. He's always been kind and considerate and has been incredibly patient with me, even though I am sometimes (ok most of the time) a nutcase. I've been a jerk and a bully for so many years, and I'm just hoping that with counseling and time, he'll see that I am changing for the better, and we can move past this.

Changing the subject, because I was in a decent mood before I started talking about mr. handsome, I had a job interview today. It's at the NJ Herald, as a pre-press composition supervisor. I think the interview went really well. I think my attitude is pretty good about the situation though, because I don't absolutely need a job right now, and the discription in the newspaper (which is what I wanted) isn't exactly what the job is in reality. I was under the impression that it was an artist position - retouching photos and whatnot. (don't use my disgusting blog photos confuse you please)I'm kind of like easy come easy go with this job. The pay is good, the hours are good and I won't need a babysitter and I can still be here with my little Doodle all day long, so if I were wanting a job, this would be a good one for me. But if I don't get it - I wasn't looking for a supervisor position, even though I've got past job experience in that area that qualifies me for it.

My hands are really dry, cracked and itchy, from being out in the cold today. I'm gonna finish this post by saying, I watched both Newlyweds and the Ashlee Simpson show for hours tonight, while working on the Hourglass Sweater ($$$She's a beauty) and I now love Ashlee and Jessica Simpson. They're both adorable and dumb and hard to watch. I've been charmed by them. Plus I like Jessica's knitwear (Not the crocheted wraps she's always wearing.)

posted @ 1:33 AM

2.09.2005

Sorry I haven't been updating much. Things have been hectic. I've been trying to keep myself busy with knitting. I'm working on the Hourglass Sweater, and I'm just about to the yoke, but I have no pictures (sorry.)

I don't know about anything anymore. I'm craving chocolate and Coca Cola.

posted @ 11:56 PM

2.03.2005

No news so far on my test results.

No change in the situation with Mr. Handsome. My emotions are all over the map. One minute I'm excited and hopeful about the future. The next minute I'm angry. Next I'm feeling proud, planning my future as a single mother. Next I'm in mourning, thinking about the beautiful babies we'd been planning and wanting. Right now I'm feeling lonely. It doesn't help that my neighbor (have I mentioned him before? He's weird) is listening to Hank Williams "I'm So Lonesome I Could Cry." Yea, it definitely doesn't help. Hopefully he stops soon.

I started knitting the Hourglass Sweater (Last Minute Knitted Gifts) yesterday when I got home from my tests. I love knitting with Cash Iroha, it's wonderfully soft. The color is so gorgeous. It kind of shimmers, but at the same time is deep and calm. Unfortunately I didn't check the book's errata before I started my decrease round. I had to rip back 10 or so rounds when I finally came to my senses and realized the decreases would make the sweater a little crooked. Oh well. I'll take a picture when I'm further along. It's boring still.

posted @ 10:51 AM

2.02.2005
tests

I have to leave in a half hour to get about 8 million tests done. I was told by the dr. to expect to give at least a pint of blood for the majority of the tests. I'm totally psyched (just kidding.)

In other news, I wish I had a ballwinder. The worsted merino from handpaintedyarn.com might be the softest wool I've ever felt, but I'd rather NOT be winding it by hand. Bleh.

I had 2 dr. appointments yesterday and they both sucked!

posted @ 5:10 AM