The girl with kaleidoscope eyes

6.24.2003

I forgot to take a few pills, so now I get the pleasure of having my period twice in 2 weeks. WONDERFUL!

i am wearing a pair of red and white striped shorts that I forgot I had. they're like pajama bottoms or something, i don't know.. all I know is that I'm hotter than hell and I feel like vomitting up my lunch. Lucky Devan gets to lay around in her underpants.with her hair in a bun. she looks so coooool.

posted @ 3:21 PM

6.04.2003

this is my life:

Laundry, Lonely, Laundry, Laundry, Lonely, ....Money, Laundry, Lonely...

I'm washing clothes (surprise!) and I'm baking chicken/salsa/sourcream.. Apparently, per serving, it's 6 pts. 10 pts if you add a cup of rice. 12-13 pts if you melt some mexican cheese on top. I don't care. I'm just using up the chicken I thawed out.

I'm gaining water weight and it's making me paranoid. I have to just chill out with the scale because I KNOW I'M MAKING PROGRESS.

I made this diet coke chicken the other day. I like the chicken but I don't like the rice with it. There's two servings in the fridge. There's also taco soup in the freezer. Today this house is full of temptation. There's birthday cake, brownies, cupcakes, doritos, chips, pepsi, ice cream, penne vodka from last night, etc etc and so on and so fourth. When I'm facing my TOM, I tend to gravitate towards foods. I've already taken a few bites of jon's penne. i ate a cupcake for breakfast. Devan gave me 2 doritos. I haven't had any water. I haven't done any exercises or weights today. I should. I should go to the mall and walk around since it's so crappy outside. I probably won't though. I probably won't do anything but sit here biting my nails and thinking about the food. At least I didn't go out and buy chocolate covered almonds. That's a real problem for me with my period. I love those things.

posted @ 1:55 PM

6.02.2003

getting lost within myself

nothing matters, no one else

my arms hurt. They just kinda dangle at my sides when i walk around. I bought these two 8 lb dumbbells. Then I even went and used them. I also bought these straps that strap to your ankles and are connected by a stretchy cord. You know when you lay on your side and do leg lifts to firm up your thigh muscles - well these make them more effective. and much harder. if my legs were my arms, they'd be dangling at my sides too. Well it's paying off though - I finally lost those 5 lbs I gained back.

I did some laundry this morning. I washed devan's bedding and she was thrilled to take her nap with all of her fluffy, fragrant blankets. I put her knit baby blankets along the sides of her crib to block out some of the light and she said "that washed too?!" and I said no, so she put her blanket over her head and said night night. Whoops. What kind of mother am I?

I am thinking about taking a nap. Do I even want to take a nap? Or do I just want to lay down? My back is tired from doing flies. Do you know what flies are? It's when you extend your arms all the way out so they are straight with your shoulders, and you lift barbells up in the air and your arms meet up in the air in the middle of your chest.

I am listening to that song by Norah Jones "seven years"and it makes me sad. It reminds me of being little and lonely. Why was I always so lonely when I was little? I certainly wasn't alone. I talked to my dad yesterday. *sigh* Why am I even writing this here? I told him that I got my grades, which I am very excited and proud about, and do you know what he said? He didn't say anything. He just went on with his story about his girlfriend or something. Oh well, It's important to me because it was a real struggle this semester. What is it that the twin brother in Adaptation kept saying? "You're who you love, not who loves you" or something like that.

Don't mind me. I'm feeling sappy and it's just PMS.

posted @ 2:04 PM