The girl with kaleidoscope eyes

5.30.2003

I'm having a sentimental moment here folks:

also

posted @ 5:25 PM

Ok. Last week I lost 20 lbs. After Devan's birthday, I gained back 4 or 5 lbs. I've been trying like crazy to get the damned scale to move back down to where it was, and it's just not happening. What am I doing WRONG? I know I need to exercise. I know it. I just don't wanna. I can't wait to move and get my stationary bike out so I can ride it. For awhile I rode it 3-5 miles a day, and I'd like to get back to that. I think the problem is that I don't like to go outside. I have been fighting it my whole life. I like to sit outside, and I like to explore - but I don't like bugs, I don't like dirt, and I don't like sweaty-dirt.

I am mostly pissed because I drank like 32 oz water right before bed last night and jon couldn't even hug me without me being afraid I was going to explode from all the water. It feels good to drink alot of water - just not all at once.

posted @ 10:35 AM

5.28.2003

This week's list:

Saving Money:

So like I said in my previous entry, I have been trying to figure out a way to make money and save money. I have no problem saving money but I cannot, for the life of me, think of ways to MAKE money *besides selling things on ebay: my laptop, my gamecube, my body, etc. (har har)

posted @ 3:22 PM

Just as I was about to step outside with my knitting bag, I heard the thunder rumble across the sky. So I put my knitting bag down, and stepped out for a couple nice clean breaths of fresh air. When the drops started falling, I headed back indoors.

Lately I have been thinking alot about ways to get and save money. As goofy as it sounds, I am excited about moving and putting some of the tricks I've been thinking about to use. I've been making a lot of lists today and in a minute I'll share them.

Another thing that's been on my mind is how much of my life has been taken up by my laptop in the last year that I've had it. I have always spent a lot of time on the computer, but with my laptop, because it's so convenient, I use it while devan's watching tv, I use it at the dinner table, I use it when Jon's watching tv. I can take it anywhere, and that's becoming a problem! I can't stay away from it. In fact, before I heard the thunder, I was prepared to sit on the porch outside with my laptop. I have been looking at ebay, and while I am still not sure I want to sell my laptop, I know I can get a pretty decent amount for it. So that's an option once I make up my mind. Also, once we move and set up a work space for Jon, I will have a convenient place to check my e-mail and work on my website (if I choose to do this again someday).

I have been working on some design plans for our condo, once we get it. My bedroom design is pretty spacious and functional. It will have to wait though, until we get our new staircase (which I would imagine I will be paying for in the fall sometime, with my surplus grant check.) I've planned for a wall unit from IKEA that can stack under the staircase to save space, and shelving all around the room. I'll show you a diagram:

I ripped this cubic design method from the last ikea catalog. I'm not a big ikea fan, I don't like how when you shop at Ikea, you basically have the same decorations and furniture as everyone else on the planet. I do think they're great at organization and making the most of small spaces, and they teach you how to utilize your wall space and junk.. Oh well, so there it is. I plan to encase my bed with two shelving units, with the first three or four shelves to actually be drawer space for clothes. The top shelves can be for books and pictures and stuff. We have a sliding door in our bedroom, so I think that helps to light the room and make it look bigger. We have lots of closet space too, on another wall. So I want to make the room really neutral, browns and reds and kinda glowy and nice, to make it a little more comfortable and romantic (*wink*) and to take away from the shelving and the cubic entertainment center and desk stuff.

posted @ 2:55 PM

5.24.2003

Today was Devan's birthday. She's 2 years old. Here are 2 pictures:

I am bored right now. And tired. And full.

posted @ 10:40 PM

5.19.2003

I was just making a list in my journal of things I'm going to do this summer since I'm FINALLY DONE WITH SCHOOL!!!

So those are my plans for the summer, besides moving and all of that crap.

posted @ 2:31 PM

5.14.2003

7 days later and I'm feeling a lot better. Today I had 2 exams: english and history. I think I kicked a big butt on both of them. I also took my make up psych quiz that I was freaking out about last week. All I have to do now is finish my take home psych exam, finish the take home part of my spanish exam, and show up for spanish on monday to do my oral tests and the written final. I'm so happy that school is almost over. 1 more stupid day - and not even a whole day - just 1 class. maybe only part of a class if I get done early.

We are out of attorney review finally. Tomorrow I'm going to be calling about inspections. Devan's birthday is next saturday. When did time start going so fast??

posted @ 6:30 PM

5.07.2003

I don't think I'm going to be going to school in the fall. After this semester, I have just kind of realized that I'd rather be at home with Devan right now. She needs me to be with her. I can't keep writing these inane papers and putting my heart into this because I am not happy doing this, and it's funny because this is what I thought I was supposed to do. I thought that going to school and getting a degree in ...something(i'm still undecided) would be what I need to be a happy, healthy, functional, successful woman. When I wake up at 6 am on Mondays and Wednesday I dread and loath the idea of leaving (not just because I am tired and lazy). While I'm at school I think about Devan and what she is doing.

I also feel like Dev isn't getting enough texture and variety in her life. If I'm not researching some topic on the internet for a paper, or e-mailing professors, filling out paper work, practicing my spanish, talking to mortgage people and or filling out mortgage papers, getting ahold of the lawyer, doing home searches, I'm trying to sleep or get a chance to talk to my mom on instant messenger or spend a minute with Jon or I'm vegging out for a few minutes trying not to think about any of this stuff. I feel like Dev has really gotten a raw deal. She's getting to be quite the colorer and is watching an awful lot of TV. I've got just about every line from every Sponge Bob episode memorized. I've been trying to take her outside more, she loves 'walkin-it' and she is always grabbing rocks and flowers and racing me when the weather isn't too bad, but lately it's been crappy or just toooooo hot! I love walkin-it with her, but for some reason I have some problem where my hands swell and itch when I walk around. WTF is that? It also feels really good to know you're doing right by your child, and letting them get the fresh air and exercize they really need. How am I supposed to ensure that Dev gets all of that if I'm not around to be the one to give it to her? O' woe is me! I am so conflicted. Being a stay-at-home mom is just not enough in this day and age! Rise up! Get a degree! Be a single, successful woman! Deny your gender roles. Rebel against societal pressures! Would I be such a failure if I just quit? ????

I was so happy a couple weeks ago when Jon and Devan took a nap together. I got to sit out on the couch with my headphones on and completely chill out listening to music and just LOOK at funny pictures and sites on the internet. That might not seem like a big deal, but it was so relaxing. I am sure to the untrained eye it must look like I spend an awful lot of time doing just that, but that's so far from the truth. Like I said up there somewhere, my laptop is really like the center of my universe. It keeps me in contact with everyone, from the mortgage co, to the realtor, to my fiance, to my family, to all of my school work, to all my news, since I very seldom actually sit and watch the news on TV.

Speaking of TV, I can't remember the last time I watched a show all the way through, or actually turned on the television to watch a show for myself. When I do I'm either interrupted or outvoted by the other people living here watching tv, which gets annoying, but I'm getting to the point where I don't care and i probably wouldn't miss it if it went away. I don't think I want to ever pay for cable and that's a good thing, right? No cable, only DVD's and VHS, and local news if the reception is good. That's a pretty efficient way of monitoring what Devan see's on TV. Jon would never go for it though. How would he ever get to watch basketball? or Foxnews.

Sorry this post is so dreary. I really am feeling some internal turmoil right now. After this horrible day I've had, I cannot wait until finals are over. forever.

posted @ 4:46 PM